It's All His Fault! - Do Guys Have It All Wrong...?

What would a discussion on relationships be without playing the blame game? I mean, somebody is to blame, right? Well...

The purpose of this post is not to 'call out' guys in the relationship, or to remove all the responsibility of girls -- but rather highlight what I see is sorely lacking in college relationships, and where exactly guys have fallen short in their roles as godly boyfriends.

I'll sum up the duties of the guy in '07 parts (whoop!) spelled out as R.E.A.L. M.E.N:

Recognize: Guys, you have to recognize where the girl is in her walk with Christ. As much as you would like to 'think you know' by how often she goes to church, or how many Christian t-shirts she wears -- you must not presume that she's earnestly seeking the Lord's will, if you haven't even taken the time to ask. You can't gauge your relationship with Christ by those outer workings of religiosity, so don't think that you can judge your girlfriend by them either. Recognizing and openly discussing your respective walks will do much for the future of any relationship.

Engage: As I mentioned above, engagement is a crucial aspect of dating. I'm not speaking here of the diamond ringers and one knee-ers... but of engaging in challenging conversations about your relationship with Christ and with each other. A relationship built on a shallow understanding of each other's strengths and weakness, victories and defeats, is a relationship built upon shifting sand. Engagement is imperative for health and growth, and we have no excuse for overlooking it.

Adhere: Guys, stick to your guns. Dating is not an experiment in Christian liberty, nor is it any easier for a dating Christian to 'be ye holy for I AM holy' - 1Peter 1:16. Temptation will come, you can bet your boots, it will come.* (this comment does not in anyway endorse gambling, or support the gambling industry in any way, shape, or form) I have found however; that guys that come into a relationship with clear moral standards, are far less likely to regret aspects of their relationships later on. Fluidity in morals is not a virtue, and traditional beliefs on dating are not a vice. Know what the Bible teaches before hand, and then stand that ground, come hell or high water...

Lead: Wow. This is huge. And soo many guys totally fail at it. It is the man's responsibility to lead the relationship, to set the tone so to speak. Now don't mistake this point for tyranny. A successful leader will never lose sight of his followers, their needs, their shortcomings, and their desires...however, at the end of the day, the decision falls to them. Decisions planted in the Word, and watered in prayer, will be reaped in love. Men must have a spiritual vision for the relationship, unwavering values for its foundation, and unconditional love for its means.

Monitor: In addition to recognizing, engaging, and leading, guys need to monitor themselves, the girl, as well as the relationship as a whole. By this, I don't mean that weekly evaluation questionnaires need to be completed, or that progress reports need to be issued -- but a serious commitment to monitoring the emotional, spiritual, and relational health would be a wise endeavor. Oftentimes I'll hear guys say, "She was fine last week, I don't know what her deal is today." Although I admit that omniscience in the relationship is out of the question (unless you are the girl, and you assume that guys know 'exactly what you mean' and 'exactly what you are thinking'), men have the responsibility to monitor the situation. Again, ignorance in this case is certainly not bliss....at least not for long.

Ecourage: Just like everyone else, sometimes girls need encouragement. Your girlfriend is no different. Beware however, that you do not turn your girlfriend into a 'compliment addict'. Simple encouragement, especially for girls that are insecure, can turn into in unquenchable addiction for greater and greater acknowledge of beauty, success, etc. I know guys, that we like making girls feel good about themselves, and that has it's place. But take great care to base that encouragement upon biblical principles and not worldly ideals of what makes her a good girlfriend (i.e. immodest outfits, popularity, etc). God's grace and love can encourage a girl infinitely better than any carnal encouragement we can come up.

Never forget your first love: "Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love." - Rev. 2:4. Ok, she's beautiful. She's fun. She's smart. She may be 'the one'. But she pales in comparison to 'our first love', namely Jesus Christ. Mind your prayers. Take heed that 'she' does not take up the focus of your spirituality. Praying for her, and with her is great! But don't neglect "so great a salvation" in your pursuit of relational completeness. Trust that God will grow you both over time, and keep ETERNITY stamped on your eyeballs.


Come on guys, let's be REAL MEN...
Bro. Hank ><>